Are you holding a grudge? Did someone hurt you, devastate you, disappoint you, and/or anger you? Are you nursing feelings of bitterness? Do you rehearse in your mind over and over what they did wrong to you? Is it hard to forget? Are you thinking of repaying evil for evil?
A number of people hurt me in the past week, so I am writing this blog for myself as much as anyone else. I tried to get resolution with those who hurt me, but only one apologized. I told my poor husband over and over my hurts. He patiently listened to me, bless his heart! I pondered whether to withdraw from one friend. I also took my hurts to God and asked Him, “What do you want me to do?” I cried off and on during the day and just had to go shopping for groceries even though I really didn’t feel like being in public. When I went into the store, I found the abundant grace of God to minister to the women I met. My heart filled up with love of God for them, and I prayed with some of them and left them with ministry materials. I suddenly became aware that I need to give the same love to those who hurt me as I was giving to those ladies! God whispered in my heart, “It’s all about love!” He reminded me about Ephesians 4:32 (King James Version) which I learned as a song at church camp as a girl: “And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” I realized I needed to be kind to these friends who hurt me, to love them with a tender heart, to forgive them as God forgave me of all the wrongs I have done because of Jesus’ death on the cross! (Of course, He came back to life three days later!!!) God also reminded me of 1 Corinthians 13:5 (New American Standard Version): “[Love] does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered….” Shannon Adducci (formerly Wexelberg) said in her song “Boundless” (link below), “Love keeps no record of wrong.” God reminded me of that. Yes, God was correcting me for holding a grudge for a few days about those people. At the same time, I felt that my pain and the wrong inflicted on me was understood and acknowledged by God! I was comforted and corrected all at the same time! My joy and peace returned when I gave Him the grudges I was holding! So, I won’t be withdrawing from any imperfect friends, because, after all, we all are imperfect except God/Jesus! Thank God, my friends do love me; and I can call them friends!
Ephesians 4:31 is also so convicting and helpful: “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice.” That is the verse before the one above. We need to give God our bitterness, wrath, anger, rantings about what they did to us, any slander or evil speaking, and any desire to harm them back for what they did!
First Corinthians 13:7 also says that love “bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” That means to love people we must put up with their blunders and weaknesses. We can believe God to change them as we pray! I have seen many such answers to my prayers. We can hope for a restoration of the relationships! By God’s grace, we can endure all their mistakes! Surely, we have made our share of mistakes! It behooves us to show mercy to imperfect people around us. We need God and others to show mercy to imperfect us, too!
Are you holding a grudge? Hebrews 12:15 gives us a sober warning about bitterness: “See to it that no one comes short of the grace of God; that no root of bitterness springing up causes trouble, and by it many be defiled….” We need God’s grace to forgive others. Let us choose the grace to forgive instead of nursing bitterness in our hearts, which causes problems in others around us. Bitterness can be contagious! We can talk others into being bitter with us! God forbid!
We see in Colossians 3:8 this admonition: “But now you also, put them all aside: anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.” Are you angry and wrathful? Give it to God. Do you want revenge? Give it to God. Are you bad-mouthing the ones who hurt you? Repent, and give it to God! Are you giving them “what for” and cursing them with swear words or just put downs? Repent, and ask God to heal and cleanse your heart. Ask them for forgiveness, too, if possible. Verses 12-13 of Colossians 3 go on to say,
And so, as those who have been chosen of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience; bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone; just as the Lord forgave you, so also should you.
Let us put on hearts of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience! We are not better than they are. Someone once said from the pulpit in a church I attended, “The ground is level at the foot of the cross.” God can heal our real hurts whether or not they apologize. My husband, Charlie, loves to remind me of Proverbs 19:11: “The discretion of a man deferreth his anger, and it is his glory to pass over a transgression.” Let us forbear with one another and forgive each other. We can give to our very understanding God our complaints, and He can release us from them. Charlie also likes to remind me that the one holding the grudge is the one who suffers the most.
Are you holding a grudge? When people hurt us, our natural tendency is to be like Job, who suffered greatly, in Job 7:11: “Therefore, I will not restrain my mouth; I will speak in the anguish of my spirit, I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.” We want to vent. Venting respectfully to God is perfectly good. Job got into trouble because He didn’t vent respectfully to God. He let his grief, anguish, and bitterness cause him to falsely accuse God of being an unfair ogre. Let us be careful not to do that and learn from Job’s mistake. We don’t want God to have to rebuke us like He did Job in chapters 41 and 42!
In James 1:19-21 we read, “…But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. Therefore putting aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness, in humility receive the word implanted, which is able to save your souls.” Are you quick-tempered? Ask God to help you be slow to anger. Let us be quick to hear and slow to speak (many of us need help with that one!). Our rantings and ravings do not achieve the righteousness of God. Let us put aside all filthiness and all that remains of wickedness. Let us humbly receive God’s Word, the Bible, and hide it in our hearts that we will not sin against Him (see Psalm 119:11). Let us yield ourselves to the Holy Spirit of God so that His Word will be written on our hearts and save our souls from bitterness and other sins (evil)!
Are you holding a grudge? Jesus Himself advised us in Matthew 6:12 to pray, “…And forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors.” He went on to warn us in verses 14-15 to say, “For if you forgive men for their transgressions, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive men, then your Father will not forgive your transgressions.” Let us avail ourselves of the mercy of God by showing mercy to others! Jesus said in Matthew 5:7, “Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy”! God has forgiven us so much if we have asked Him to! Let us extend the same forgiveness to those who hurt us. God’s healing love will set us free and enable us to do this!
Forgiveness can be a tough thing sometimes because the wounds run so deep. We feel robbed of something precious that people’s hurting us seemed to take away. God will replace that something precious that is missing, such as self-esteem, when we ask Him! We need the help of the Holy Spirit to forgive! We can pray, “Lord, help me to forgive!” or even, “Lord, help me be willing to forgive.” It starts there for many of us. Once may not be enough. We may need to keep bringing it to Him! Praying for the people who hurt us may change them and will definitely change us! Jesus gave us the great instruction in Matthew 5;44: “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you.”
Let me close with this beautiful verse from Isaiah 38:17: “Behold, for peace I had great bitterness: but thou hast in love to my soul delivered it from the pit of corruption; for thou hast cast all my sins behind thy back.” Sometimes our peace is displaced by bitterness. But when we open our hearts to the love of God, He delivers us from the pit of corruption, from the pit of bitterness! He casts all our sins, including bitterness, behind His back! The result is that peace returns, and our hearts are healed!
Our God is so very good, loving, and kind!!! Let us ask Him to make us more like Him!
Here is a touching, beautiful song by Danny Gokey that God may use to comfort and heal you:
I shared this song in another post, but it is fitting for this one, too. It is called “Boundless” by Shannon Adducci (formerly Wexelberg). I mentioned it above. It is about the boundless love of God: